London Larks: Your Weekly Dose of Capital Humor


Cake until you can

“It was good that it was dry,” Bassil said of the race, in a statement that isn’t often paired with mentions of the spongy stuff.

Unfortunately, the man-made sponge was far from light either – made of wire mesh, hula hoops, and paper mache, Bassil added that she couldn’t use her arms and was “quite uncomfortable” with the weight of the construction (and cake lovers) “expectation ) that rests on her shoulders. Luckily there were plenty of fans in the crowd cheering them on with shouts of “Go Cake” (a new and improved card game?) Who happily followed Bassil on their way.

A dry, heavy sponge that can run at high speed doesn’t sound ideal in most cases, but with a potential of £ 20,000 being raised for charity, we think this sponge deserves generous applause.

Brooklyn Beck-Ham


In the clip, Beckham stands in front of a large, apparently cold pan – his “favorite pan” – before draping a single slice of raw bacon next to a selection of previously cooked meat.

Then he goes on steps like cutting a sausage in half, dabbing a piece of bacon with a paper towel, and lightly mashing the entire sandwich once it is set up in what he calls “squish it down”.

Despite the less positive response from Twitter, a nearby “jury†seemed to find the whole thing quite pleasant – nodded and smiled and made enigmatic comments like “pork on pork, very niceâ€.

Cat is out of the bag for Lloyd-Webber

Getty Images

While Brooklyn Beckham may not have had the best week, Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber apparently had a much worse year in 2019.

In an interview with Variety, Lloyd-Webber said the adaptation of his 2019 musical Cats left him so “emotionally damaged†that he immediately ran to – yes, you guessed it – to buy a dog.

“I saw it and just thought, ‘Oh god, no.’ It was the first time in my 70 or so years on this planet that I went out and bought a dog. The only good thing that comes out of it is my little Havanese puppy. “

The dog must be registered as a therapy pet in order to be taken on a US flight, the composer explained. “I wrote off and said I always need him with me because I am emotionally damaged and I have to have this therapy dog.

“The airline wrote back and said, ‘Can you prove you really need it?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, just look what Hollywood did to my musical Cats. Then the approval came back with a note that read: ‘No medical report required’. ”

We hope he is better now.

An expensive missed steak

Gemma Collins with Chef Salt Bae

/ Gemma Collins / Instagram

Gemma Collins, meanwhile, was a little high for a variety of reasons.

“The press reported that my steak cost £ 700,” she added. “If only they knew.”

As you can imagine, if she ingested a reasonable amount of metal (the steak was wrapped in gold leaf), she also mentioned that she felt “a little sick” after the experience.

“I’ve told all my friends and family that we won’t be eating out for a long time, not at these prices.”

Fortunately, Collins now has a cheaper alternative up his sleeve. “I am in love [my boyfriend’s] Steaks the most and I’ll treat him and myself to some gold foil from the Internet for £ 4.99. “

Duvet days

Getty Images for The Met Museum

Good news for everyone who is struggling to get out of bed at the moment – it is now almost socially acceptable to go to work with the duvet on.

The “vintage†blanket was picked up from a thrift store in LA with the original quilt maker’s great-granddaughter, an account called @books_n_babies, who later revealed herself on Instagram: “Looks like great-grandma Mary has gone to the Met Gala with A $ AP. “

So if you don’t feel like messing up your own quilt in the tube, you can always try borrowing someone else’s.

A little stinky to Murray

Andy Murray / Instagram

Andy Murray – notoriously sweaty man – had an unfortunate incident this week after losing a pair of smelly sneakers and his wedding ring in one fell swoop.

After exiting his sneakers and the ring under his car – an obviously deliberate decision – Murray returned to find that both were gone.

Murray often ties the ring to his shoelaces and had to dry the shoes in the case after hot weather made them “damp, sweaty and yes – basically smelly” in his words.

As luck would have it, Murray has now managed to track down the lost items. “Do you believe it, they still totally stink, but the shoes are back, the wedding ring is back and I’m back in the good books. Let’s go, “said Murray on Instagram, while blissfully sniffing his own shoes for a little too long.

Give us strength


About Clayton Arredondo

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